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I'm that awkward girl who wants to stay home and read books or watch chick flick movies. Loves Strawberries and a Frustrated Writer. I like to cold weathers, I'm a God-fearing girl. Dreamer, Introvert and Optimistic. Loves to listen at The Cab and Sleeping with Sirens.

: Anika • Sixteen • Blogger .
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• My Life?
• Page 366 of 366
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As i am writing this nonsense blog post, i can feel that weird thing inside my throat, which means i'm about to cry but staying strong. I don't want them to see me cry. I'm weak inside, so that literally means i have to be strong for the outside. I'm so tired of my life. I don't have friends, My Family's broken, My Cousin's so far. Where will i run when i need someone? God is always there for me, i know. But, i don't know.. i feel like it's not enough. Don't get me wrong, but i still need someone.

I'm emotionally depressed. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away from me. Like my best friends for example. They are really easy to approach then. I don't know what happened now. I think it's because we live in the separate ways now but, best friends will be there when you need them, right? Where are they? :(

I chose Journalism as my course to improve my writing skills and be able to write properly and to express my feelings through words. Why did i brought up this topic? I don't know.. I just wanted to point out that writing what i feel is the only one i have now. I brought up this topic to tell you all, even my college friends doesn't like the way for who i am.

Then for my family? I don't know. We're broken. My mom and Dad are not annulled. My brother has his own family, and now i'm left all alone again. All of this is making me weak. I'm gonna stand out all by myself sooner or later. I don't have someone to be with, not my best friends nor my family. I'm so tired of this feeling, i feel like all those people who meant the world to me is leaving me. I hate it, why do they have to leave? If they didn't.. why are they fading away?

I'm so tired of those sharp words that i'm hearing every day, every night. mostly all from all of the people who i thought will be the person who will never say those things to me.

All i know right at this moment, i only have one person beside me. In everyday, through the brightest and darkest time.. he won't leave me. I'm so thankful that he's always there to guide me, save me even though i'm one of the reason why he died on the cross. I love him.

But there's one thing running through my head.

I am already dead

As i am writing this nonsense blog post, i can feel that weird thing inside my throat, which means i'm about to cry but staying strong. I don't want them to see me cry. I'm weak inside, so that literally means i have to be strong for the outside. I'm so tired of my life. I don't have friends, My Family's broken, My Cousin's so far. Where will i run when i need someone? God is always there for me, i know. But, i don't know.. i feel like it's not enough. Don't get me wrong, but i still need someone.

I'm emotionally depressed. I feel like i'm pushing everyone away from me. Like my best friends for example. They are really easy to approach then. I don't know what happened now. I think it's because we live in the separate ways now but, best friends will be there when you need them, right? Where are they? :(

I chose Journalism as my course to improve my writing skills and be able to write properly and to express my feelings through words. Why did i brought up this topic? I don't know.. I just wanted to point out that writing what i feel is the only one i have now. I brought up this topic to tell you all, even my college friends doesn't like the way for who i am.

Then for my family? I don't know. We're broken. My mom and Dad are not annulled. My brother has his own family, and now i'm left all alone again. All of this is making me weak. I'm gonna stand out all by myself sooner or later. I don't have someone to be with, not my best friends nor my family. I'm so tired of this feeling, i feel like all those people who meant the world to me is leaving me. I hate it, why do they have to leave? If they didn't.. why are they fading away?

I'm so tired of those sharp words that i'm hearing every day, every night. mostly all from all of the people who i thought will be the person who will never say those things to me.

All i know right at this moment, i only have one person beside me. In everyday, through the brightest and darkest time.. he won't leave me. I'm so thankful that he's always there to guide me, save me even though i'm one of the reason why he died on the cross. I love him.

But there's one thing running through my head.

I am already dead

Sometimes I wonder how people see me and what they think of me. It scares me a bit, honestly. I am sure though, that what they think of me, what they think my life is, is a complete misperception. I have always tried to show myself as a carefree person, as someone who wont get bothered because of public judgements. I am sure my friend and family think there is nothing going wrong in my life, that I do not worry enough, that I am always happy. And I am sure they probably somewhat hate me for it because, lets admit it, there is nothing worse than seeing someone who is life seems so perfect while yours is a complete mess. Truth is, I have become an expert at pretending. I think we are all experts or at least we are getting there.

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coming soon....